i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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