It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
