We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize