woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize