Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
