So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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