he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
