who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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