I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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