i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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