It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
