I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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