so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
