i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
