Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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