Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
