Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
