Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
