I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize