You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
