so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
