Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
