But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
