No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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