My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
