Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
