You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
