mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
