we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Randomize
