Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
