wanna go halves on a baby?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
