Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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