I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
