they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
