listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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