yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
