Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
