She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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