Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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