wakey wakey hands off snakey
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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