You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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