So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
