we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
