Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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