Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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