Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
