I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
