the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
