I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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