Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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