My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
