He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
