worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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