My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How external is "for external use only"?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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