So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
