So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's blow job season.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
