I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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