omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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