Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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