I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
