Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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