She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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