I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
